Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
