He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
Randomize