The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
Randomize
