i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
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