were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
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