Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
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