____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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