i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
Randomize
