So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
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