Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
They have beer where we have blood.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Randomize
