you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
