I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
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