My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Randomize
