i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Randomize
