I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
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