I think she gave up trying 2 land a bf and let herself go
You misogynist thinking that every girl wants a bf
They do. I don't appreciate u using big words idk and im gonna take offense
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
Randomize
