I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Randomize
