Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
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