then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
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