Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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