Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
Someone shit on the floor
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
