I love watching others lives come down to our level.
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
Randomize