so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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