can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
Randomize
