My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
