You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
He better not be in your backpack
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
Randomize
