We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
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