Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize
