Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Randomize
