My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Randomize
