STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
Randomize
