took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
Randomize
