i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
rhymes with "ouble enetration"
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
Randomize
