Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
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