I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
Randomize