he thought i was a dude.
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize
