9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
