i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
Randomize
