; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
I'm drive I can fine osifer
this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize
