she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
Randomize
