Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
I made him laugh his dick is mine
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
