She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
How does it feel to date your dad?
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
Randomize
