her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize
