Help. Asians are flirting in front of me(773): They speak asian
thus making me awesome and them whores
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
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