I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
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