It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
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