he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Randomize
