He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
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