I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
somebody snuck up and got me drunk
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
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