You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
Randomize
