Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
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