White coat. Heels.
Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
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