if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
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