Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
Randomize
