So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
Randomize
