The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
