I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
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