You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
When we talk. Remind me of these topics, photoshop, my bday, threesomes, and cherekee indians. I swear these are real topics...
New topics to add when we talk, sweden, boxing, and the band journey
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
My penis needs a shock collar
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Randomize
