I can tuck mytits in my pants
Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
