My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
