my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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