yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Randomize
