You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
Randomize
