I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize