Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
Reggie can tackle my bush.
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
Randomize
