he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Randomize
