Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
May the power of my ass compel you!!
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
Randomize
