I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
Randomize
